Austin Joseph

I have three children: Austin-8, Lydia-3, and Eli-almost 2. They are the light in my days, and require A LOT of hard work.

This is my Austin. He is a freckle-faced, energetic, busy, talkative, loving, little boy. He is my life's turning point. My pregnancy for Austin came when I was single, 19, and was definitely unexpected. I remember crying in the shower thinking that I was never going to be 'one of those girls'. I could play the game and not get caught. I was invincible. Suddenly, the gravity of the situation became very clear-I was about to be responsible for another life! I was so scared. I knew that I was not leading a life that a child could follow. At one point, I talked with someone about adoption. That's as far as it went. For some reason I knew that I needed this child as much as it needed me. With God's help, I ended a very easy pregnancy with a 5lb. 13oz. healthy bundle covered in red fuzz. I cried again, this time for the joy of it. My life immediately did an about-face. I needed to be the best person I could be for him.

Eight years later, I still struggle. After a failed relationship with his father, two years as a single mom, and a dating relationship with my now husband, Austin and I have been through a lot together. Him growing up has been difficult for me. It's easy to smile at a cooing, laughing baby, but harder to be patient with an emotional adolescent. Good or bad, Austin is passionate about everything. His emotions run the full spectrum, sometimes in seconds.

In October, all four of Austin's parents agreed to bring him home for homeschooling. That has added a whole new aspect to our relationship. My sister is a teacher and I give her a lot of credit for what she does, but she gets to send them home! If Austin and I have had a particularly hard day with school, it can spill over into the remainder of our lives. It's not all bad-we spend more time as a family and our time is not regulated by the school day or year. I think this move has been a good choice. Now, I just need to be able to better separate my school teacher persona from mom. It's a work-in-progress.

One of my favorite times of day is Austin's bedtime. Austin brushes his teeth, washes his face, changes his clothes and says 'good night' to everyone but me before going to his room. As soon as he's all snuggled down in bed, I join him under the covers for a bedtime story. We started by having him read simple books to me and both found that frustrating at bedtime, so we moved his reading to earlier in the day. In the last few months, I've been reading to him. Novels. I love it. Reading was so important to me as a child. I would sneak off into some hidden corner in the barn and read until someone caught me. I love to read. Last week we started my favorite book in the world, Little Britches. I know the book by heart and love to watch Austin's expressions as he experiences it for the first time. It's a wonderful world to open for a child while reading. He loves the book as much as I do. After the chapter is finished, we talk about what we read. He can feel free to ask questions about clarification or sometimes the things that scared him. It's so easy to talk to him in those moments. He'll never understand what they mean to me. In the end, we exchange hugs and kisses and 'I love yous.' I always laugh when I leave. As the overhead light goes out, three nightlights shine from their respective corners, and a Great Dane lounges at the foot of his bed.

I love you, Austin. I promise to always do my best for you.

-MOM